saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
