I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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