I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
