You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
This show inspires me to have sex in space
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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