My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
