I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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