I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
