The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
