im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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