i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
