wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
