just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Randomize
