He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
