I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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