They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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