tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
