I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
