So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
