why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
