Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
