once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
