I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
