Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
