I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
