Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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