Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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