and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
