im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I need to wash the frat house off of me
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
