Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
