We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i think im in europe. pls send help
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
