You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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