Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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