So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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