How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
