I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
