omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Randomize
