I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
