I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
