Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
