apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
