yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
