This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
