he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
