I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
