One girl and one boy is just not enough.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
