So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
