you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
