i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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