you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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