I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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